Sailor Coruscant...

To see your shoes and your spirits rise...

2008-06-20T22:25:00.004+10:00

Follow-up on the Apple Store...

To spare those who already see my flickr stream on the planet or in their rss readers, I'm not going to link all the images here, but rather I'm just going to tell the story over on flickr. There is, however one little bit that won't go up there, and that would be my dodgy video of James and Beto's arrival and high-fiving!

Yes, I know I'm lame. But I have an apple tshirt (currently going for between $60-100 on ebay) and you don't, so I still win.

no lyrics, just the sound of fangirls cheering...

2008-06-19T18:21:00.001+10:00

Hello from the Apple Store!...

And I'm playing on a macbook air. It's so awesome. And tiny.

I'm also the proud owner of a tshirt in a box. Which is also awesome. I want to go out and enter again, because it's so much fun. Everyone is cheering, and I'm somewhat drunk on the atmosphere, if you can believe that. Worth standing in the rain.

強い　磁石みたいに　キミは　引き寄せる

2008-06-17T16:22:00.011+10:00

The Mary Poppins Bag...

When I was in High School, my backpack always seemed to contain more stuff than there was physically room for, with a bit of space left over for something extra someone needed me to carry. So we called it the Mary Poppins bag, and it was silly good fun.

Of course, these days I realise that the problem with bags that are bigger on the inside is that you can never find that Freddo Frog you know is hidden on the bottom somewhere unless you unpack the entire thing.

Come on baby, Dancin' star...

2008-06-16T13:56:00.005+10:00

Oh Sweet Jebus...

They're spelled compact disc and encyclopaedia. It's not that hard.

Step out to be myself again...

2008-06-15T20:45:00.006+10:00

Why do they leave me alone on the weekends?...

Whenever they do, whenever I have free time, I end up sitting here alone watching terrible movies or television shows, moping about all the things in my life that don't feel right and wishing that I was one of those girls in the movies. It can't be that hard, right? And yet it is.

I want to have friends who want to hang out with me, not just have me over to make up the numbers. I want to have friends who want to hang out at my place from time to time, who like me unconditionally.

I want to be able to have a nice conversation with an old friend, and not have the email followup read "that was the most interesting conversation I had with a girl in a long time". Because I didn't think me being a girl should factor in us being old friends. Needless to say, it's been a month and I haven't found any need to reply.

I want to feel sexy.

I want to feel that I am more than just competent at what I do. I want to be great at something, anything really. I just want do not be so stupidly average at everything.

And I want this wishlist to be shorter.

'til you've drowned in the light, in the sound...

2008-06-06T20:17:00.005+10:00

A Toast...

To getting the model for my PhD working, after four years of suffering!

Now I guess I ought to run it lots and get some interesting results, yes?

stranger than you dreamt it...

2008-06-04T22:53:00.003+10:00

Dear Family...

The whole "using my bathtowel and toothbrush" thing has gotten really really old.

I will buy new ones tomorrow, and if it happens again, I'm throwing all of your toothbrushes in the bin, regardless of who it was that committed the crime.

wandering child, so lost, so helpless...

2008-06-04T20:40:00.007+10:00

I may just be the luckiest girl in the world...

I got to see the Phantom of the Opera again today. That makes three times for this production: last tuesday night, last saturday's matinée, and then today's matinée. I was only expecting to attend two of them, but K's sister was ill this morning and didn't want her ticket to go to waste.

As a result, I've gotten to see all three of the Phantoms we have performing in Sydney (okay, I missed the "understudy" (as opposed to the "alternates"), but given that he was playing Raoul in all three performances, I don't feel like I missed out on watching him perform a sexy part. :) ). There was no competition as to who was the best: every word that Anthony Warlow sung sent shivers down my spine and I wanted him and Christine to end up together all the way until he flipped out in the end, and even then I felt sorry for the poor man. He was amazing, and sexy and he was the Phantom. I'm so glad I got to see him.

Saturday, the Phantom was sung by Simon Pryce, who was okay, but he was a very different Phantom, not as strong, a bit more pathetic. He sang it fine, but he didn't have the depth of character, and you never really cheered for him. He was more of a madman, and I wondered why Christine was ever really entranced by him. That said, he was performing with Sarah Bakker (the understudy for Christine) and she played a more self-aware Christine, a little stronger of voice and personality, and somehow giving her more spirit was a good foil to making the Phantom a whispering madman. Now if only they'd been able to keep his headpiece stuck down at the edges, I might have believed in his deformity.

The third, Roy Weissensteiner, was a very Michael Crawford-like Phantom. I've not seen Crawford perform, but his is the canonical version we've all heard so many times on all our cds and compilations, and Weissensteiner's voice was very similar. Dramatic, spine tinglingly creepy, and I was crying at the end when she abandoned him. Sarah Bakker has amazing charisma and is able to play her role so well that at the end, when she's hesitant to leave him, you really believe that she's torn between the two men, that she doesn't want to leave the Phantom alone there in the dark.

The makeup also looked best on Warlow, probably because he doesn't have any hair they need to hide beneath the prosthetics, so his head isn't too mishapen. :) Oh, and I want to steal the Phantom's Composing Hat (link to a geocities image, may not work, click here to see the original page).

Hmm, I'm not sure what to add now... I think my favourite costume of all is Carlotta's from Masquerade (she was wearing the spider one, with the beadwork and the little wings) and I'd love to have the time and energy to make it for myself. Not sure what that says about me. Anyway, I've been having fun, I'm sorry I've not been blogging much, it's just been a very emotional (and busy few weeks for me).

Oh, and in case anyone is interested, this and this are what's been preventing me from sleeping for the last few weeks (the second are the test pages, don't tell the boss I linked you to them).

damn you... curse you...

2008-05-31T11:55:00.002+10:00

To the Redback I just met in the shower...

Fuck you and your entire species. I hope you go extinct.

I remember only good days...

2008-05-17T11:21:00.002+10:00

Battlestar Rant...

Man, I have so many problems with the BSG "finding the map to earth in the stars" scene it's not funny. I'm willing to let the "seeing every constellation on the elliptic at one time" thing slide, because it would be a crap map without a 360 view around the planet and whatever. Although that does make Starbuck's "we're standing on Earth" line complete bullocks.

I'm almost tempted to let the "referring to the Lagoon Nebula as M8" thing slide. Because hell, it is the correct Messier catalog number for it, and maybe people started out on Earth, before they moved to Kobol, and our extremely esoteric catalogue of "~100 things that are not comets" could have stuck around the scientific literature or something.

But seriously guys. Couldn't you even get the constellation right? M8 is in Sagittarius, and all of the Messier objects in Scorpius are a completely different class of objects. Two minutes on wikipedia could have saved your arses a whole lot of embarrassment.

some boys slow dance...

2008-05-09T20:47:00.004+10:00

A pocket full of seashells...

Today was a glorious day.
The sort of day where some part of your brain kicks in and says "you remember how it rained for months and months and they think it will be raining again next week? why are you sitting here making yourself miserable?" and you stop, and you think about it for a moment, and you can't come up with a reason to sit there any longer so you say "fuck it, I'm going to the beach!"

And you do!
I put myself on a series of buses, and took myself to the beach I was most familiar with the public transport options to -- Manly! Which is such a nice place, and right from the moment I stepped off the bus I could smell the salt water. Oddly enough, it made my stomach grumble (it had been a long time on the buses) so I wandered through some shops and eventually found myself some nice seaside lunch!
And the usual crowd showed up to try and share:
But it was okay because I was too greedy and wouldn't share (and there were enough people feeding them chips that I didn't actually feel bad about not sharing my very yummy sushi (which was quite cheap too - $5.70 for all that)). And who could pay the seagulls any attention with a view like this:
After I'd slowed down the rumbling of my tummy, it was time to actually enjoy the beach that I'd traveled so far to see. I took my shoes off and headed off down the sand.
and found myself a nice sandy (and shady, since I'd forgotten my hat) spot to sit down on, where I could just listen to the waves coming in.
I tried to take a self portrait to prove I was there, but I was replaced by aliens at the last moment.

I sat there for a long time, running my toes through the sand, writing and doodling and just trying to remember the last time I did something creative and how it used to feel when I was more than just someone who spent all day working on a boring PhD. It was really nice, and I wasn't just feeling sorry for myself, there was some real soul searching going on there. No conclusions, but at least I'm looking now.
As the shadows got longer all of the chronic sunbathers went home (or maybe to their nearest solarium, I have no idea. These people had leather instead of skin), leaving the beach even more peaceful than before.

I was feeling better about the whole no-longer-a-creative-person thing, so I packed up my notes, tried to get most of the sand off me, rolled up my pants and headed for the water at last.

The water was so nice and warm! If I'd had a swimsuit (or maybe even just less impractical underwear) I would have gone for a proper swim, because the temperature was just perfect! (The lack of waves higher than my knees was but a small disappointment.) I love the Pacific Ocean, particularly the East Australian Current which keeps our beaches nice and warm even in the colder months. It brings warm feelings to my heart and makes me want to go back tomorrow.

But it was not to last, as I had promised my mother I'd be home in time for dinner (first time all week, I think I'll have to work on that). So I took one more photo of me (in the hopes of not looking like a goth this time) and started heading back.
I may have stopped by the New Zealand Natural shop on the way back for the customary "I went to Manly and all I got was this lousy Ice Cream"...

...but there's absolutely no evidence to say that I did. :)

As the sun was starting to set I made my way to the wharf and put myself on a ferry back to the city. Because nothing says "Sydney Harbour is a deathtrap!" like riding on the Sydney ferries.
I got to watch the sun go down...
All in all, a most satisfying day away from the university. I almost feel up to going in and actually working on my PhD on monday. Pity my iMac's being delivered. *grins*

There are a few more photos up on my flickr set, since I figured I'd spammed you all enough for one post. I'm sure I'll be back to my regular moping in no time.

Check it up, I funk it up....

2008-05-09T10:14:00.003+10:00

Screw my unhappy brain...

My shiny new iMac should be arriving on monday. I think I'll take a day off to celebrate.

Gah, I'll need to think of a name for it...

Won’t you come see me after 12AM...

2008-05-08T14:11:00.004+10:00

Fuckity...

Figured out the reason I wasn't buying a new computer is because I don't feel that I have earned a new computer or any other shiny things. IT'S NOT MY FAULT I HAVEN'T FIGURED THIS SHIT OUT YET, IT'S HARD DAMNIT!!!

No matter how sad your dreams are...

2008-05-08T10:45:00.005+10:00

SC's PhD FAQ of Love and Justice...

Q: Why does it take 4 years to write one computer program?
A: Because it's hard.
(I get this one a lot more often than I would like. I could waffle on about ODEs and why they make your life difficult but the simple truth of the matter is I'm not done yet because this stuff is fucking hard.)

Q: You can just buy it with your scholarship, right?
A: No, I don't have a scholarship. It's why we can't find my desk under all the marking I have to do.
Q: But if you don't have a scholarship, how can you afford to live in Sydney?
A: I'm one of those pathetic adults who still lives with their parents because they can't afford to live in Sydney. At least I'm not in the basement.
Q: But, seriously, how do you pay your bills?
A: I'm hasty and a crybaby, but to tell the truth I'm one of the highest paid call girls in Sydney. No, really, stop asking about money, dad.
(This was an actual conversation with my father, but enough variations on it have occurred that it goes in the FAQ.)

Q: So what, exactly, is it that you do all day?
A: I sit in front of a computer, twiddling boundary conditions and running my code over and over again. Sometimes I write to my thesis while I wait for it to run, sometimes I write angry blog posts.
Q: But any monkey could do that!
A: And we're all glad they chose this one, aren't we?

Q: Should *I* do a PhD?
A: No. Seriously, no.

Any other questions?

you know I am not the good girl I know

2008-05-07T09:23:00.001+10:00

If my handwriting is any indication...

...I'm ready for my PhD now.

would it make the darkness go away?

2008-05-05T19:34:00.003+10:00

Damn, blast and a muddy bucket of pitch...

Neil Gaiman did a panel with Isobelle Carmody in Melbourne, and I can't even get into his Sydney reading because I quite stupidly thought "maybe it was someone else's turn" and didn't book until it was too late and all booked out. It's just not bloody fair. My favourite hermit and my favourite author-about-town chatting about what inspires them, and I didn't even know it was on until it was over.

I so would have blown off work for a few days if I'd known. *sighs*

Anyway, have maths papers to mark. Bye blog.

Words can hurt you if you let them.

2008-04-27T22:56:00.004+10:00

Bedtime thoughts...

I believe there's a big difference between the phrases "I want to hang out with you" and "I want you to hang out with me". I'm not sure other people feel the same way.

Anyway, after a long weekend of too much cleaning, marking and Meg Ryan movies, I'm feeling a little alone and miserable. So what are you doing next weekend? I'd like to hang out with you.

I'll spread my arms, imitate wings, and fly...

2008-04-23T21:15:00.004+10:00

Only 78,800 to go...

Spent all day working on the thesis, and got a fair amount done, though it doesn't feel like it. Have 2.5 pages that I wouldn't be ashamed to show my supervisor (though a few notes to myself that are still in there would be a bit embarrassing) and some highly edited and tightened up plans for the rest of the lit review.

I'm still embarrassed that it's taken me this long to get around to doing it properly, and a bit bummed that my brain has decided to shut down in the last five minutes when I still have two more paragraphs to write before bed, but I'll just go to sleep early tonight and write them in the morning before uni. I've got my notes mostly sorted, now I just need to find the words and check the references when I've got my head on straight.

Oh, and I guess I need to actually get my original research working, but that's a problem for tomorrow afternoon when I check in with the boss (please let me be up to four pages and a plan for the next section by then).

The important one is a macaroni...

2008-04-22T12:07:00.005+10:00

Lunchtime!...

I've been very disconcerted recently by loaves of bread with "not for ducks" printed on the packaging. If the ingredients are bad for ducks, are they really good for humans?

ETA: It's a viral marketing campaign. Google before posting, Catherine.

ETA2: I'm still not certain I want to eat that.

Hold your breath and count to ten

2008-04-21T13:25:00.004+10:00

Clear signs that I have lost it...

A reporter for Channel 7 just called, looking for someone to talk about nifty laser pointers and why they are evil, and I gave him someone else's number, rather than answering his questions myself. I could have been on telly and I said no.

And to think two weeks ago I decided I wanted to be a science communicator when I grow up. :(

Do you ever feel this quietness inside?

2008-04-17T10:19:00.003+10:00

I'm glad I'm not the only one...

So I've been watching the West Wing recently. And I finally made it up to the last series, which is all about the election of the next president. Go the democrats, etc.

But the thing that has struck me most about the final series has been the way that life has been imitating art. For one thing, the the republican nominee is a liberal and unliked by the hardcore conservatives. For another, the democrats were split between a former resident of the white house and a minor congressman who happens to belong to a racial minority, at least until the convention.

This morning I got online to see if I could find any fun political discussions of this, and instead I find out that the character of the eventual democratic nominee (Matt Santos, played by Bail Organa and all around sex god) was "based on Barrack Obama".

I'm not sure what else to say about that, but I thought some of you (Mum, Dev) might like the link.

okusen-man no story

2008-04-15T12:45:00.003+10:00

A slice of pwnage pie, please...

Court Documents filed by J. K. Rowling (vs SVA/RDR Books). (skip down to page 11 and the pie chart) I cannot quite believe just how awesome that graph is. Brings warm feelings to my heart. (And I suppose you could read this article if you had no idea what the court case was about and why that graph fills my heart with squee. But f_w is a much better source)

insert semi-appropriate song lyric here

2008-04-10T11:46:00.004+10:00

Great first date idea. Or should I say, "Fantastic"?...

Worst of the Time Lords - an awesome comic about the emoist of Doctors and why his life is rubbish.

speaking slowly through the permanent waves...

2008-04-08T09:31:00.001+10:00

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Court...

I would just like to point out that I got to ride in a 2nd gen Lego train today! And it was awesome.

slap that baby, make him free...

2008-04-06T20:48:00.003+10:00

Several things that are awesome...

The Ninja Turtles Cartoon Theme translated from Chinese (as a means of solving the "ninja teens/teams" debate)

Posterchild's amazing Weighted Companion Cube art

Oh, and I have my own room now, though it's a huge mess at present.